Forgiving Others And Seeking Forgiveness

Issues – April 2016 – Grace & Truth Magazine

Forgiving Others And Seeking Forgiveness

Job And His Friends
Job was a righteous man, having this testimony from God: “The L ORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth [shuns] evil?” (Job 1:8, 2:3 KJV ).

However, God knew what was in the heart of Job and He allowed him to be tested deeply. He was given severe boils, which covered his entire body. He could not stand, sit or lay down without doing so on top of his boils – what pain! Having heard of his great sufferings, four of Job’s friends came to console him. Astonished at his condition, they said nothing for a whole week. Then, rather than consoling Job, three of these friends criticized and condemned him, all unfairly and incorrectly.

After a series of exchanges when these three friends condemned Job and he gave his defense, God intervened. He said, “My wrath is kindled against thee [the three friends] ... for ye have not spoken of Me the thing that is right, as My servant Job hath. Therefore take unto you now seven bullocks and seven rams, and go to My servant Job, and offer up for yourselves a burnt offering; and My servant Job shall pray for you: for him will I accept: lest I deal with you after your folly, in that ye have not spoken of Me the thing which is right, like My servant Job. So Eliphaz the Temanite and Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite went, and did according as the LORD commanded them: the LORD also accepted Job. And the LORD turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before” (Job 42:7-10).

It is very interesting to see that Job’s three friends, who had so unjustly and incorrectly condemned Job, were instructed by God to go to him, and he would pray for them. It was a step of humiliation and penitence, seeking Job’s forgiveness. Also, how could Job pray for them if he had resentment in his heart towards them? According to God’s instructions they went and Job did pray for them. Once Job had done so, he was healed of his “captivity” and the LORD blessed him with twice as many animals as were lost in his sufferings. The implication here is that Job’s physical and financial recovery was related to him forgiving his three friends, as seen when he prayed for them. Likewise for us, if we want God’s blessing on our lives we have to have clear relationships of forgiveness. “If I regard iniquity in my heart, the LORD will not hear me” (Ps. 66:18).

Joseph And His Brothers
In the last few chapters of Genesis we read that Joseph, who had suffered terribly because of his brothers’ hatred toward him, had forgiven them and, although in a position to retaliate, only looked out for their good. But the brothers had not asked to be forgiven by Joseph, and consequently their fear came alive once their father died. This caused great disturbance in their hearts and in their relationship with their brother. They sent messengers asking for forgiveness, but then they finally went to Joseph and confessed their sin against him. It was then that Joseph assured them that although they had done him wrong, he knew God in His sovereignty had worked all of these things out. Joseph had forgiven them long before but assured them now of his love and care (Gen. 50:15-21). It was only after the brothers had openly confessed and asked forgiveness that they understood Joseph’s unconditional forgiveness and could enjoy, without hindrance, a deep relationship with him.

How important it is that we seek forgiveness from one another, confessing our sins and faults that we have done as well as forgiving. If either one is not done properly, we suffer.

Like God Forgave Us
When the Lord taught his disciples how to pray, He told them, as part of their prayer, to ask the Father to forgive them even as they forgave others. Then He added, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Mt. 6:14-15). Is this not a sobering statement? If we do not forgive others, then we are inviting God to have the same attitude towards us. But God desires forgiveness, so He had Paul say, “Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Eph. 4:32).

My Brother Has Something Against Me
Even knowing these verses, some still say they are willing to forgive “when the offender comes and asks for forgiveness.” But this is not what is shown to us or commanded. We saw Joseph’s example. Do you remember what the Lord Himself said while being crucified: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” (Lk. 23:34)? The instructions of the Lord tell us to reach out to:

• The one who has, for whatever reason, something against us, and
• Someone who has done something against us.

As to the first case, Matthew wrote: “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift” (Mt. 5:23-24). The Lord placed the responsibility on me to act, even though I don’t have anything against my brother. The settling of such a matter is to be a higher priority than making an offering or sacrifice to God. He adds that reconciliation should be made with great earnest: It is better to reconcile on the way rather than before the judge (v.25). In a future day, the Judge, our Lord, will execute judgment perfectly. With this in view, we are told to do whatever is needed, with urgency and diligence, quickly, now, while we can.

If I have sinned or done my brother wrong I must go to him and seek forgiveness. This is what Joseph’s brothers failed to do, and their relationship with their brother suffered because of it. They were not at peace in their hearts. This instruction means and the Lord requires is that I humble myself and acknowledge my sin. I must put myself in the presence of God, asking Him to search me and show my sin to me. Then after having confessed to God, I need to go to my brother and, with clear and honest confession of wrongdoing, ask forgiveness. It is not to be done in an excusing way such as, “Brother, if I have done wrong”, or “if I have offended you.” Rather we must admit, “Brother, LORD done wrong. I have sinned against you. Please forgive me.” This is the clear language of humility and repentance, as were the words of the prodigal son when he spoke to his father (Lk. 15:21).

If I think I am without blame but I know that my brother has something against me, my responsibility is the same. I must go to my brother to resolve the matter before I go on in my service and sacrifice to God. It is good for us to realize that we often don’t see our own faults, and although we may perceive ourselves to be innocent in a matter, this may not be so.

The importance of dealing with this situation can be seen as we gather together on Sunday mornings to obey the Lord in His request to remember Him with the bread and the wine. In this, one of the things that we are doing is showing the oneness that we, many believers, have together. We are showing fellowship with each other. Would it not be hypocrisy for me to share this supper together with my brother knowing that he has something against me or I have something against him? Let us honor the Lord by leaving our sacrifice at the altar to reconcile with our brother, that we may remember the Lord in honesty and harmony.

Notice that Matthew 5:23 starts with the word “therefore,” which is a connecting word to the thought that preceded it. There we read: “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: But I say unto you, that whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire” (Mt. 5:21-22). Raca is a term of contempt, like calling someone, “Worthless.”

Analyzing these verses we see that murder starts in the heart, with simple but serious thoughts. It is in this context that we see the requirement for me to go to my brother to reconcile with him if he has anything against me. I am to be concerned about my brother to such an extent that I need to go to him. This is because the development of incorrect thoughts in our hearts is the root for murder. Thus, for my brother’s benefit I need to go to him to take care of this problem, preventing the development of a more serious condition in my brother’s heart, and allowing peace and harmony between us. This also gives me liberty to have true fellowship with God.

Under the law, nothing needed to be done unless there had been an act of violence; then the principle of eye for eye and tooth for tooth would be applied. But here the Lord gives us a much higher standard. “For I say unto you, That except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven” (Mt. 5:20).

As required by the Lord, for my brother’s preservation and in love to him, I need to take the initiative and humbly visit my brother to remove all that may be between us.

I Have Something Against My Brother
If my brother has sinned against me, what am I to do? Matthew 18 gives instruction on this: “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother” (v.15). Here I see that once again the burden is on me – for me to go to my brother and speak with him, with the desire and purpose to resolve this matter.

If speaking alone with my brother does not yield the results that are needed, the following verses give instructions of what, when and how to proceed. “But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican” (vv.16-17). This is the formula that needs to be applied. Oh! May we never need to go beyond the first step.

In Matthew 18:21-35, Peter, perhaps still thinking about what the Lord said about going to the one who had sinned against him, asked how many times he needed to forgive. Perhaps thinking he was being generous, Peter asked if the limit was seven times. But the Lord said that was not enough; it needed to be 70 times Peter’s limit. The Lord really was saying, “Always.”

To illustrate the point the Lord told the story of two people who had debts. One owed a debt so large that he was absolutely unable to pay. He pleaded to his master to be patient with him – he would repay. His master, rather than giving him more time, forgave all. But this man soon forgot the mercy shown to him, and having found a fellow servant that owed him a debt, he demanded payment. Although this debt was significant, it was tiny in comparison to the forgiven debt. When this second man asked for patience and mercy, the man refused and had his debtor condemned. The Lord was showing us that as we, who owed God a debt that we were unable to pay, have been forgiven, so we too need to forgive others. God’s forgiveness to us is unconditional. Likewise, our forgiveness to our brothers needs to be unconditional. The Lord concluded the story by saying that there are serious consequences for us if we do not forgive.

In these chapters of Matthew the Lord also revealed the attitude in which we are to seek out and forgive the one that has offended or sinned against us. Matthew 18:15, where we began this section, starts with the word “moreover,” connecting these lessons to the prior verses. In those earlier verses, the Lord spoke of a lost sheep. Rather than just being abandoned or forgotten, it was sought out. As we compare these verses with similar ones in Luke 15 we see that the seeker went out at great sacrifice to himself, not caring how this looked to anyone else. He treasured this lost or strayed sheep so much that he went into harsh circumstances, in mountains and deserts, to find and bring it back. We get the feeling that he looked and looked, without giving up. He knew the sheep would not return on its own; it would be lost. Through perseverance and insistence, the lost sheep was found and brought back with great joy.

In this story we see a picture of the Lord and us. We were lost and did not return. But He searched and found us, giving His life that we could be saved. We need to have this same attitude towards the brother who has sinned against us. I need to do everything I can to restore the relationship. How can this be done? Only through humility!

We see our Lord’s humility in Matthew 17. The chapter begins with the transfiguration of the Lord on the mountaintop, when He was clearly declared to be God. Yet, to win the lost He took a lower place, one of humility and self-denial. At the end of the chapter, although being exempt from the temple tax, He paid it, “lest we should offend” (v.27). He proved by His actions what He taught: The greatest had to be as humble as a child.

The disciples had trouble with their pride. Three of them had seen the Lord transfigured before them, and they all had heard from the Lord that He would go up to Jerusalem where He would be abused, suffer and die on the cross. Yet, the disciples’ focus was on themselves, arguing which of them was the greatest. Because of this lack of humility they were powerless to liberate the boy from that which oppressed him (v.16). The power to heal came from prayer and fasting; fasting is self-denial, the opposite of their attitude of self-importance. Unfortunately, they still had this problem on their last night with the Lord. There, none of them got up from the table and washed the others’ feet.

Bringing our points together we see that if my brother sins against me I need to go to him, in an attitude of meekness and humility, with the purpose to win my brother back again. As with the sheep, I should not expect him to come back on his own. I must seek him out. I must wash his feet so he can be restored. To wash his feet correctly I must bend down, be humble and careful. This means not being abusive (hot water) or acting mechanically out of obligation (cold water), but with great care and concern.

The Lord is our perfect example. It was He, the disciples’ Lord and Master, who washed their feet. It is He – the Almighty God, the Creator of heaven and earth, the Good Shepherd – who gave His life to save us. He sought and found us. He paid the debt that we could not pay and He forgave us.

What about us? Will we be like Him? Will we seek out the one who has wronged us? Will we forgive 70 times 7? Will we leave our sacrifice at the altar to search out the one who has something against us? Will we forgive our brother even before he comes to ask forgiveness?

A Higher Standard
In the Lord’s teachings to His disciples He put before them a new and much higher standard than required by the law. As His followers this standard should govern our behavior here on earth. He said, “I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloak forbid not to take thy coat also. Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again. And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them. And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful” (Lk. 6:27-36).

As we consider these verses in relation to our theme of forgiving others and seeking forgiveness, it is very clear that we are not to be proud and arrogant, but just the opposite; humble, willing to be taken advantage of or abused. We are instructed to have this loving, forgiving, merciful attitude toward those who hate and abuse us, even while we are passing through these experiences and sufferings. We are to be willing (most things start with the will), ready (being in the attitude of preparedness, like a sprinter waiting for the starting signal) and active (the opposite of the disciples, of whom the Lord said the spirit was willing but the flesh weak). Regardless of what others have done, how much they have hurt us or whether they have come to ask for forgiveness, we must forgive in an attitude of mercy!

This is the responsibility of each one of us, working for the blessing of the other person and for myself. But even greater, it is to be done that the Lord is honored – showing that we are children of the Highest, children of our Father who is merciful.

By Albert Blok