Lead Them Softly

Lead Them Softly

“The children are tender ... I will lead on softly.” Genesis 33:13-14 KJV

One of the saddest accounts of broken family relationships in the Bible is the story of Jacob and Esau, the sons of Isaac and Rebekah (Gen. 25-33). It began before they were even born (Gen. 25:22-23). One of the contributing mistakes in this tragic account is the same one many parents unknowingly make by showing partiality to one child over another. We are told that “Isaac loved Esau ... but Rebekah loved Jacob” (Gen. 25:28).

One sure way to create havoc in a family is to play favorites with the children. In doing so, parents create an unfair competition among the children for acceptance and approval. It happened in their family, and can happen in yours, if you show partiality.

The Work Of Grace
As you follow the progress of this story, it takes many unusual twists and turns. But the thing that is so evident is that God is in control in spite of the apparent human failures. It teaches us a lot about our sinful human nature, but it teaches much more about God’s sovereign, amazing grace.

By Chapter 33, some amazing and wonderful things have taken place. As tragic as the story was up to this point, everything now changes for the good. One of the saddest stories now becomes one of the gladdest, because of the reconciliation God orchestrated between Jacob and Esau.

Try to imagine these brothers, who have been estranged for years, meeting again. Jacob had been in fear and trembling because Esau had threatened his life if he ever saw him again (27:41-42). Instead, Esau ran to him, embraced him, kissed him, and wept with him (33:4). What an incredible picture of God’s grace!

God loves to heal broken lives, hearts, marriages, and relationships. Is there a need for this in your family? Why not let God step in, pick up the broken pieces and put things back together again?

One of the most beautiful scenes in this encouraging story now begins to unfold. It involves Jacob’s family. Esau is amazed at God’s apparent blessing upon them. Jacob had them bring gifts to Uncle Esau hoping to find favor with him. After some persuasion, Esau accepted them (33:6-11).

Esau was a very rugged outdoorsman – a man’s man. Jacob was a husband and father, much more sensitive and caring. Now here is where things really get interesting, and could result in more serious relationship problems. Would Esau be able to understand Jacob’s concern for his family? Or would it create further tension between them?

Suddenly, Jacob found himself in a predicament. Esau wanted Jacob and his family to travel with him and his 400 men (33:12). Would Jacob sacrifice his family for the sake of protecting his restored relationship with his brother? This is a question every parent must reckon with. Sooner or later there are going to be things that make it necessary for parents to make hard choices regarding their children. Jacob’s handling the matter the way he did can help us when we are faced with these questions.

The Decisions To Make
So often, parents overlook the most basic issue, the weakness of their children. Children are fragile and must be handled with sensitivity. Never forget, they are children. Jacob understood this. So the first thing he did was to tell Esau, “My lord knoweth that the children are tender” (33:13). Today’s parents tend to force their children into too much too soon. Don’t make that mistake!

The second thing Jacob demonstrated was a father’s wisdom. He understood the situation clearly. He knew that to overtax the flocks and the children even for one day would be too much. Esau, the charger did not think as a father. A father must have God’s wisdom in addressing his family’s needs.

Third, he had the will to choose what was best for his children. He was willing to risk his restored relationship with Esau to do what was best for his family. He encouraged Esau to go on ahead, and said he would follow at a pace suitable for his children. He beautifully expressed it in these words: “I will lead on softly” (33:14). This can be a very difficult thing to do. Your friends may not understand when you say “No” to certain things. They may accuse you of being overly protective, or too strict. But you must have the determination to choose what you know is right and best, regardless.

Lastly, we see the value of a wise decision (33:15-17). Because Jacob was willing to do what he believed was right, God intervened and Esau’s heart was softened to the situation. He even offered to leave some of his men behind to help Jacob as they traveled (33:15). There could have been tension, misunderstanding and hurt feelings, but there was none. Jacob made the wise decision and it paid off for him and his family. How important it is for us as parents to make wise choices and trust God with the results. God will not fail to honor those who choose to honor Him (1 Sam. 20:30). These are some important lessons to be learned from this story.

The Will To Do
As parents, we need all the help we can get in leading our family for the Lord. The choices will not be easy. In fact, most of the time they will be difficult. But if we have the will to do what we know is right and best, God will surely bless us for it.

Remember, children are like sheep; they must be led, not driven. Lead them softly!

By Jack Palmer