Pre-Marriage Relationships / Part Two

Family – December 2013 – Grace & Truth Magazine

PRE-MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIPS

The Search For A Christian Life Partner / Part Two

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.” — Psalm 119:105  NIV

Last month we looked at the importance of involving God, not only in the search for a future mate, but in all the decisions that we face. As believers we noticed that He owns us, has a purpose for us, sees us in a special way, can be trusted and should be obeyed. We continue this month by looking at more valuable points directed to those seeking a spouse – but with applications for all believers.

Learn To Enjoy Other People
Usually the relationship between a couple moves between three distinguishable stages: a general friendship relationship, a romantic-temporal-exclusive relationship and then a marriage relationship. Are you a young Christian man or woman who desires to enjoy these stages in a way that pleases God? The Psalmist asked, “How can a young man keep his way pure?” And then he answered, “By living according to Your word” (Ps. 119:9). Our challenge is to allow the God-given Biblical principles to influence our thinking and behavior during each stage.

Developing A Circle Of Friends
Our circle of friends may include a wide spectrum of relationships, from occasional acquaintance all the way to a close friendship. In the Bible we read of loose friends – those who want to be with us because they want something from us: “Wealth brings many friends” (Prov. 19:4); and of genuine friends – those who accept, love and value us for who we are: “A friend loves at all times” (Prov. 17:17). A true friend will confront us with truth even when it hurts: “Wounds from a friend can be trusted” (Prov. 27:6).

Knowing the power of friendships, the Bible contains words of caution such as: “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Cor. 15:33). We recognize good and bad company not by how much fun we have together but by what it does to our character – to the way we think and the way we treat others. The godless social current we live in is very strong. Unless we consciously stand firm we shall slowly absorb its values and moral standards, we shall feel comfortable where Christ is rejected, we shall as the Bible puts it: begin to “love the world” (1 Jn. 2:15). Scripture is very clear: “Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God” (Jas. 4:4). If our goal is to become more and more like the Lord Jesus we will benefit greatly from time spent with like-minded people. What effect is your current set of friends having on your character? Should something change?

Free To Marry In The Lord
If you are considering marriage you should take careful note that Scripture consistently encourages believers to marry within the faith, opposing marriages with those who do not belong to the family of God. When God’s people, Israel, entered the Promised Land, He gave them clear instructions against marrying those of other nations: “Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons.” Why? Commandments like these were given for spiritual reasons: to protect the Israelite, his relatives and possible descendants from being led astray from faith in the true God; “for they will turn your sons away from following Me to serve other gods” (Dt. 7:3-4).

We find the same message in the New Testament: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” (2 Cor. 6:14-15). The Christian widow is free to marry again, but under one condition: the new spouse “must belong to the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39). These guidelines are given for our own benefit and for that of our possible descendants. As always, God blesses those who trust and obey Him.

Singleness
The Lord Jesus said, “For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it” (Mt. 19:12). Single lifestyles can be lived fully for the kingdom and glory of God.

The apostle Paul spoke well of single life and encouraged it as a fully valid and dignified lifestyle. He experienced his own singleness as a gift from God and encouraged others to also see it that way: “I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that ... But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Cor. 7:7-9).

If you are living a time of singleness, learn to enjoy its benefits. Develop friendships and use your additional energy and resources to serve God and others. There is joy and fulfillment in service. The apostle Paul pointed out that the unmarried believer can “live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:32-35). It is good and correct to seek a marriage partner, but don’t let “getting married” become an all-consuming passion. Enjoy your single years. Remember also that a happy person is more attractive than a desperate one!

Marriage As A Covenant
Different people groups have distinct ways to initiate a marriage. But they have in common that at some point everyone knows that “this woman and this man” belong together. If an outsider tries to interfere in that relationship he will encounter serious problems. Marriage is a gift of God to humanity and not just to the Church, therefore non-Christians are just as married as Christians. The Christian derives his or her understanding of marriage from Scripture. In God’s Word, marriage is explained as a covenant (Mal. 2:14-15) – the most durable and binding type of agreement known in the Bible. The act of getting married is clearly more than a piece of paper or a useful social convention.

Purity
When the Lord Jesus was asked a question about divorce He replied by quoting those well-known words from the book of Genesis: “‘Haven’t you read,’ He replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate’” (Mt. 19:4-6). At the moment of marriage, God Himself intervenes and “joins” a man and a woman, you to your partner. From that decisive and public moment, in the eyes of God and society you “are no longer two, but one” with all its implied joys and responsibilities.

Marriage, like the other covenants mentioned in Scripture, usually requires witnesses and should be formally sealed. It is more than something private and personal. Covenants also have a social dimension – they are frequently enacted through some form of ceremony or ritual. We are told that God Himself is a witness in the marriage covenant (Prov. 2:17).

Physical intimacy before marriage is unwholesome because it lacks the framework of commitment expressed through a public covenant and it is therefore strongly disapproved of by God. Within the safety and stability of a marriage such a relationship is considered something healthy and beautiful – it is even encouraged! The clear boundaries on intimacy are placed there by God to protect something delicate and wonderful, and it is in our best interest to take them seriously.

By Philip Nunn

Look for the conclusion of this Family article in next month’s issue!