“Since I became a Christian, my wife and I are living in completely different worlds. Should I stay in this marriage?”

December 2015 – Grace & Truth Magazine

QUESTION: Since I became a Christian my wife and I are living in completely different worlds, so to speak. Our friends, activities and interests are distinct from one another. The relationship we once had is no longer the same. What should I do? Should I stay in this marriage?

ANSWER: When you became a Christian a tremendous change took place in you which your wife has never experienced. The Bible uses many expressions to describe this change. You were born again. You became a child of God. You received eternal life. You are indwelt by the Holy Spirit. In fact, you were made a partaker of the divine nature and now you have begun to experience the truth expressed in 2 Corinthians 5:17: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” ( NKJV ).

This change has given you an entirely different outlook on life. Yet the change is not altogether an easy one, for you still have the nature you were born with, a nature that is inherently or naturally sinful. This nature, which Scripture refers to as the flesh, still wants to assert itself and is absolutely in conflict with the new, divine nature you have been given by God. Judging from what you are saying about different worlds, friends, activities, interests and relationships, it is good to see that you are evidently enjoying your new life.

Be patient with your wife. She has obviously not yet entered into the enjoyment of what you are now enjoying, nor can she until she receives Christ as Savior and Lord herself. Remember, there was a time when you were like her, when you shared a common interest in the things of this world, when God was hardly a part of your considerations – if at all. She is probably thinking that if she would be like you she would be giving up much, that this would be a great loss for her. “The natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned,” God tells us in 1 Corinthians 2:14.

Be patient with your wife. Don’t argue. Don’t nag. Don’t rush things. Don’t push. Show her every consideration and kindness. Let her see and experience for herself that your new life is making you a better husband. Win her to the Lord! This is no doubt a real challenge. Pray! Ask the Lord to help you. You’ll find Him more than willing to do so.

God’s word to you as a husband is: “A husband is not to divorce his wife” (1 Cor. 7:11). This word is plain and unequivocal. God knows that you have a nature your wife does not have. He would love to make her a Christian just like you. Thus we find that “the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband” (v.14). God is vitally interested in all who are in a believer’s household. Each one is sanctified – set apart for Him. There is a good possibility, He indicates, that the believer might be able to save his spouse, that is, be instrumental in bringing the spouse to a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus. What a joy this would be to the believer, to the spouse, to the angels in heaven and to the Lord Himself!

By all means, do your best, in His power, to stay in your marriage. Pray for your wife, especially for her salvation. Pray for the Lord’s help and grace for yourself that you may be a good husband to her. Live Christ rather than just preaching Christ. Do not initiate a divorce. But if your spouse insists on leaving you, don’t compromise your faith or obedience to the Lord. Don’t try to force her to stay. God has called us to peace.

The principles set forth in the preceding lines apply also to a woman who has become a Christian who has an unsaved husband.

Answered by Eugene P. Vedder, Jr.