What’s Destroying The Family?

What’s Destroying The Family?

The sad fact is that far too many of us are just too busy to build a strong family.

If you were asked this question what would your answer be? Without doubt, there are many influences having a destructive effect on families these days. But to me there are four that stand out from the rest. Each is so subtle that few recognize them until they are pointed out. When they are, there is instant agreement. See what you think.

BUSYNESS
To build anything of lasting value requires much time, effort, expense, and commitment. What is of greater value than our family? The sad fact is that far too many of us are just too busy to build a strong family. We are ruled by schedules. Our inability to order our lives in harmony with God’s order is devastating. We don’t seem to know how or when to say “No.” Things of lesser importance crowd out things of priority importance. Hobbies, leagues, clubs, second jobs, career pursuits, and even church-related activities are robbing us of valuable time and energy that should be invested in building a strong family for God.

Often, busyness is just an escape – a very subtle way of distracting ourselves from realities we do not want to face. But whether it is an escape or a distraction, it is usually a disaster! Busyness is characteristic of our restless age. Somehow we equate a crowded schedule with success or importance, which only proves how distorted our views have become. What we really need is to learn how to slow down and find out who we are, why we are here, how our family is doing, and what God says is really important. There is one major problem with the “rat race” – the rats are winning and the family is losing!

But God’s Word says this: “Be still and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10 KJV). “In quietness and confidence shall be your strength” (Isa. 30:15). “Better is a handful with quietness, than both hands full with travail and vexation of spirit” (Eccl. 4:6). “It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord” (Lam. 3:26). “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength” (Isa. 40:31).

It takes time to build a relationship with the Lord. You can’t hurry. And it takes time to build strong family relationships that will withstand the problems and pressures of life. The tragic story of Eli and his two wicked sons (1 Sam. 2-4) is the account of a man not too bad just too busy!

Is busyness destroying your family? If so, you need to get alone with God, take a serious look at the things that are driving you, and make a commitment to reorganize your priorities according to God’s will.

MATERIALISM
Not only are our families being ruled by demanding schedules, we are also being controlled by the quest for material possessions. Materialism is very destructive to the family. It creates wrong values. It places possessions before more important things like relationships. It causes the family to go without what they really need for the sake of things they want.

We all could live with less. Materialism is worshiping things instead of God. God’s Word tells us that anything which comes between us and Him is an “idol.” Because we are determined to keep up with others and enjoy the “good life,” we become enslaved financially. People spend what they don’t have for things they don’t need. Credit cards, borrowing and high interest rates make the borrower servant to the lender. Some of the most unhappy families are those who have the most things, but are never satisfied. So often in our desire for material things, we end up losing our family. In a survey among marriage counselors across America, the number one cause of broken homes is financial problems. Sadly, those financial burdens are often self-imposed.

But God says: “Thou shalt not covet” (Ex 20:17). “Godliness with contentment is great gain” (1 Tim. 6:6). “Having therefore food and raiment, let us be content” (1 Tim. 6:8). “Be content with such things as ye have” (Heb. 13:5). “But my God shall supply all of your need” (Phil. 4:19).

It was greed for material things that drove Achan to disobedience, cost Israel a victory, Achan his family, and ultimately his life (Josh. 7). And so it is with us in our desire to have more. We sacrifice our family for temporal things of no eternal value. We need to evaluate our attitude toward material things. A wrong view could end up costing us a lot more than we are willing to pay – our family!

PLEASURE
Vance Havner said, “Pleasure is the Devil’s substitute for the joy of the Lord.” Many of God’s people live for recreation, relaxation, entertainment, weekends, vacations, early retirement – anything to fill the emptiness in their lives. Now don’t misunderstand: there is nothing wrong with having the right kind of relaxation and clean fun now and then. But when pleasure becomes our god, we are in big trouble – and so is our family. Pleasure has a way of becoming an escape from taking life seriously.

We go through life laughing on the outside and crying on the inside. Our families are hurting, but to avoid this reality we become pleasure addicts. We hate to face our problems! We will do anything to avoid being honest with ourselves. “Laugh it off and it will go away,” we say. But it doesn’t. And all the pleasure in the world will not take it away.

We need to hear what God’s Word says. Speaking of the last days, He says that men shall be “lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God” (2 Tim. 3:4). The truth of God is choked by the “pleasures of this life” (Lk. 8:14). Those that live in pleasure are dead while they live (1 Tim. 5:6). “He that loveth pleasure shall be a poor man” (Prov. 21:17).

When pleasure becomes our goal and our God, we are going to suffer. But the suffering is not isolated; it ends up taking in our whole family. Living for pleasure always seems to take us further than we wanted to go. It is like riding a wild horse; we never know when it is going to run off with us. Let God be your pleasure. Let His Word delight your soul. Let His blessing give you your greatest joy in life.

TELEVISION
A noted Christian leader concluded that “television is polluting the souls and brainwashing the minds of our young people, and destroying the spirit of our homes.” Television is the pipeline through which the sewage of this world flows right into our homes!

Anyone who speaks out against the evils of television is usually branded a radical. But most Christian families agree that something has to be done to stop the unchecked flow of evil being thrust upon TV-oriented families. Some suggest stiffer controls on our viewing habits. But the truth is that in most homes the TV is in control! Perhaps you have never considered some of the harmful effects of television: TV is a time robber; it allows continual exposure to evil; it deadens sensitivity to sin; it is the most socially acceptable form of addiction; it enables the values of TV producers to subconsciously become ours.

And that is a profound reason why so many families are in trouble today. We sit and look at the very things that are destroying us! But God says not to set any wicked thing before our eyes, (Ps. 101:3). It also says to “have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them” (Eph. 5:11). We are to think about things that are “true ... honest ... just ... pure ... lovely ... of good report” (Phil. 4:8). We are to be wise concerning that which is good and simple concerning evil (Rom. 16:19).

If you want to test the influence of TV on your family, stop watching it for two weeks. We think you will make an amazing discovery – your family will be better off without it. See what alternatives you can come up with to replace TV viewing. If you are like many Christian families, you may find at the end of your test that you are closer to the Lord and to each other. It’s worth a try.

Isn’t it time to take a serious look at how these things are affecting our homes? If we really want our families to be what God wants them to be we are going to have to deal with our busyness, our materialism, our pleasures, and our television. There are lots more things to consider, but these four are a good place to start.

By Jack Palmer