Are You A “Proverbs” Parent?

Teaching Biblical Values To Children
Are You A “Proverbs” Parent?

The world is always teaching values to our children. Unfortunately they are not biblical values, but values borne out of the prevailing philosophy of our day – moral and ethical relativism. This value system says there are no universally objective standards to live by or judge behavior: “Do what feels right or best serves your purposes.” It is a morally bankrupt system. How can Christian parents counter relativism, and teach biblical values that transcend time and culture?

In Deuteronomy, Moses instructs Hebrew parents: “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Dt. 6:6 NIV). If it took that much attention to teach children godly values in Moses’ day, how much more necessary is it today, with all the negative influences of mass media.

Help From Proverbs
The writer of Proverbs said, “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching” (Prov. 1:8). Children need to listen, but what kind of instruction are parents giving, and how effective is their teaching? Read Proverbs 1-8, and note how that instruction is described. Are you a Proverbs Parent?

Good instruction is intentional, purposeful and planned. Good teachers know what concept they are trying to teach, and they tailor instruction to the child’s age, ability and need. This kind of instruction is important to shepherding children. But first let’s define values. A value is a principle we cherish enough to practice consistently. It provides the guiding structure in life.

Some examples of values taught in Proverbs are: self-discipline, doing right, being just and fair (1:3); faithfulness (3:3); consideration for our neighbor (3:28); integrity with our neighbor (3:29); faithfulness to our spouse (5:20); respect for parents’ teachings (6:20); truthfulness (10:9); interest in gaining knowledge (10:14); trustworthiness vs. gossip (11:13); kindheartedness vs. ruthlessness (11:16); carefulness in our speech (13:3).

Joseph, A Model
In Genesis 39, Joseph is a model of a young man who learned godly values and made them his own. He had internalized a standard of behavior for himself, and it governed his behavior – even away from home.

Notice his response when facing a temptation. In so many words, he said: “My master trusts me. How can I do such a wicked thing? It would be a great sin against God” (Gen. 39:8-10). He understood trust. He was faithful to a trust. He had integrity. He honored marriage. His love for God was stronger than any attractive temptation.

We note also that it says four times in chapter 39 that “the Lord was with Joseph” (Gen. 39:2,3, 21,23). He had a relationship with God which was a resource for him in time of trouble. A close relationship with the Lord is also key for our children.

12 Ways To Teach Values
The following suggestions are given to help you teach biblical values to your children. Each one should be adapted to the maturity of your children.

1. Making rules: Rules are necessary but not sufficient. Overdoing rules will make compliant, “when-you-are-watching” children, but not “Joseph” children who learn responsible independence. Children need to know where the white lines are on the football field – and what is “out of bounds.” But the area inside the lines must be large enough for them to exercise their skill in making choices – and learning about consequences.

2. Setting moral example: Is your example a determinant or a detriment? There is nothing more influential in a child’s life than the moral power of your example. For children to take biblical values seriously they must be in the presence of adults who live those values consistently.

One mother pointed out the importance of involving young children in doing kind deeds for neighbors. For example, her husband helps an elderly neighbor with yard work. Their small son assists with his little shovel. This helps him make consideration of others part of his behavior as well.

3. Reading stories about virtue: Read them to and discuss them with your children. Stories give them moral anchors in contrast to those portrayed in the media. Help them identify the values in the story by asking: Who made good choices? What were the consequences of bad choices? Who chose the best path? Who was hurt or helped by what was done? What would you have done if you were in this story?

Stories from the Bible, like that of Joseph, are a great resource. There are also books written specifically to help, such as The Family Book of Christian Values by Stuart and Jill Briscoe. You could also read sections from books such as The Chronicles of Narnia, The Sugar Creek Gang series or the Danny Orlis series. They are full of adventure and strong values. Adapt your questions to the age of your children. Train them to look at life around them, thinking about values and the consequences of behavior.

4. Listening to stories from school: These can make the supper table an effective classroom. Ask questions such as: What happened at school today? What could she have done in that situation? What value did he demonstrate? Did that take courage? Was he being honest? Was she kind? What would you have done? Questions like these help kids consider values.

5. Developing a process: One mother told me how she handled a problem with lying. “First, I tell my child, ‘I know you didn’t tell the truth. We’ll talk about it later today.’ Second, I find a quiet time when the need to persist in the lie is diminished – perhaps bed time. Third, I describe the problem: ‘You’ve been saying things that aren’t true. That’s lying.’ Fourth, I state the moral basis: ‘The Bible says it’s wrong to lie. We want to treat others how we want to be treated. You’d be upset if I lied to you.’ Fifth, I present the consequences: ‘If you continue to lie, you will hurt others – but mostly you’ll hurt yourself. Sin separates us from God and makes us unhappy. When we tell the truth we feel God’s peace.’ Sixth, I ask for change: ‘Are you willing to stop telling lies?’ Finally, we pray, and I begin by saying, ‘God’s helped me many times. Let’s ask Him to help you stop lying.’”

6. Reading Proverbs: During the Middle School years, the book of Proverbs can be a very effective teaching resource. This age group is beginning to think about character development. Read a few verses each day and talk about them. Encourage memorizing proverbs that build values.

7. Checking the Bible: For the most part, teens already know right from wrong. They are aware of the moral dilemmas and paradoxes of life, but need to know how Biblical values can resolve them. For example, if a friend has been shoplifting, how can your teen maintain loyalty to him/her and still keep integrity with the law? Discussing such dilemmas from a biblical perspective helps develop values.

At this age it is important to discuss without preaching. Help them see where their thinking (or rationalizing) will ultimately lead. Help them form the habit of seeing what the Bible says about particular issues.

8. Volunteering to serve: More than any other activity, volunteering helps develop a personal concern and sense of responsibility for others. While it’s good for young people to have jobs to earn money, volunteer service helps them learn that people are more important than things.

For example, they may help the elderly with household tasks. They may volunteer at a nursing home, or tutor younger students, or be a big brother or big sister to a child in need. Volunteer work helps children experience the satisfaction of being a contributor rather than just a borrower, developing a sense of compassion, responsibility and unselfishness. It also helps them develop meaningful relationships outside their peer group.

9. Teaching discernment: In his book Charting Your Family’s Course, Eric Buehrer offers suggestions for parents of public school children. If a non-biblical value is presented in class, teach the biblical value at home. Help children see that the school can be a laboratory for examining how the world deals with life. We need not run from it. We can help our children evaluate the messages coming to them, rather than just being sponges absorbing everything.

For example, when situation ethics is taught, talk about God’s absolutes at home. When sex education is taught, teach the biblical view of love and marriage. If abortion is taught, teach the value God places on human life.

You can’t protect your children forever. In the long run, over-protection may be more harmful than what they are confronted with in school. Responsible independence is the goal of every parent for their child. But healthy independence must be learned. The habit of evaluating what is being taught, and not simply being sponges, is a very valuable life lesson.

10. Becoming a teacher: Teaching Sunday school, or Vacation Bible School, or counseling at camp helps teens internalize Biblical values. They become the teacher, and this new perspective helps solidify values.

11. Telling stories of your heritage: When we talk about our parents and grandparents – their struggles, how they overcame them, and what they stood for in their day – we give our children a family reputation to live up to – a name not to dishonor. This adds importance to our values.

12. Limiting inputs: Be very selective about what you and your children watch on TV. While the Internet is a good resource for information about many things, such as creation research, it also has become an insidious tool for evil. Put the computer where you can see the screen your child is viewing.

The Power Of Parents
These are just a few suggestions to help you develop biblical values in our children. Like the parents in Proverbs, the important thing is to begin thinking about, planning and teaching biblical values to our children.

Never underestimate the power of a parent’s example. When we look at our children we are looking into a mirror! Nothing will put us on our knees more than our children. Pray for the values each child needs to work on.

The heart attitude of a parent is so important. Proverbs 1:7 says that the fear of the Lord is the foundation of wisdom. Take time to be in tune with God through His word. It will make your parenting effective.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Paul Hadley, the oldest son of G&T’s founder, is a retired public school principal who has served the Lord in his local church, at Bible camps and youth conferences. He and his wife live in Chicago, Illinois. They have two children and three grandchildren.