Becoming New Parents - A Matter Of Planning

Becoming New Parents:
A Matter Of Prayerful Planning“When Enoch had lived 65 years, he became the father of Methuselah. And after he became the father of Methusaleh, Enoch walked with God” (Genesis 5:21-22).Becoming a Parent: Dilemma or Delight
The implication of the above Scripture is that once Enoch had a child he walked with God (since he lived to be 365 years old). Research, observation and personal experience confirm that having a child produces a more serious approach to life in the parents, especially in the spiritual arena. But what about prior to the coming of that first child? In spite of the biblical directive to “be fruitful and increase in number” given to us through Adam and Eve and Noah and his sons (Gen. 3:28; 9:1 NIV), many, if not most Christian couples today experience a sense of fear as they anticipate having a child. The reality of parenthood, while exciting and delightful in a general sense, also produces some anxiety in the minds of prospective parents. Part of that anxiety is normal, emanating from within each partner as they question their ability to be parents and consider the responsibility of raising a child. But in Christian marriages a major portion of that anxiety comes from contemplation of the world into which their child will be born. More and more couples bemoan the fact that society is becoming increasingly detrimental to the welfare and upbringing of a child. So in spite of the fact that most Christian parents, like Enoch, strive to walk with God after they have a child, many hesitate to take the first step. What assurances does Scripture provide to couples who are contemplating parenthood? The answers will be couched in terms of differentiating biblically between a planned and an unplanned pregnancy. Prospective Parent Concerns
We live in a time when decision-making relative to having children has shifted from the domain of chance to the domain of choice. (This is not to imply in any way that God’s sovereignty has been usurped by science. It merely affirms the fact that childbirth emanates from “natural descent ... human decision or a husband’s will” (Jn. 1:13). The availability and utility of birth control and the increased knowledge of reproduction combined with Christian couples’ awareness of economic and career realities often produces a decision-making process prior to conception. The first question Christian couples consider is typically a tandem one: “Should we have a child (given our personal situation and the wickedness of the world), and if so, when?” The subsequent question of “How should we raise a child in the world such as it is?” quickly follows. However, beyond the biological aspect of becoming parents is the more crucial issue of seeking the Lord’s guidance, which leads us to the difference between planned and unplanned parenthood. Unplanned vs. Planned Pregnancies
From a biblical perspective an unplanned pregnancy is neither a pregnancy out of wedlock (even though statistics indicate that one in four births are to unwed mothers), nor a pregnancy resulting from an error when using birth control, nor a pregnancy that occurs during menopause, or change of life. All of the above pregnancies are unexpected pregnancies, and certainly may produce adjustment reactions in their own right, including marital crises. So what is an unplanned pregnancy? An unplanned pregnancy is any pregnancy that occurs without the parents first seeking God’s direction relative to having and raising the child. In contrast, a planned pregnancy is one in which a couple prayerfully seeks the Lord’s will and direction regarding having a child. For such parents a biblical basis for assurance and eager anticipation is given. The Parents’ Promise: Noah’s Family (Gen. 6-9)
“As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark” (Mt. 24:37-38). Noah lived in a day and age so evil that the Lord determined that He would destroy mankind. Although He relented in the case of Noah and his family - “God ... protected Noah, a preacher of righteousness and seven others” (2 Pet. 2:4-5) - the case can be made that conditions today are not unlike those of Noah’s time. However, Noah, in spite of the evil environment, was able to find a wife, have and raise three sons - Shem, Ham and Japheth - and find three wives for his sons (Gen. 5:32; 6:5-11,18; 7:1-13). All this was accomplished while Noah was building the ark and before the ark was sealed up by God thus preserving them from the devastation of the flood. Upon emerging from the ark the four families, including three that had no children, were given the commission to “be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth” (Gen. 9:1). Imagine the trepidation of those “eight souls” as they embarked on the path to procreate families. Inherent in the story of Noah is the parents’ promise that God will protect and provide for families who turn to Him for direction. It comes in the form of two metaphors - the ark and the rainbow. First, the Christian family that builds itself on the Lord, the “Rock” of our salvation, will experience the protection of the ark when flooded by the evil the world unleashes against it. God will provide the resources necessary to preserve our children and to bring them to fruitful maturity. The ark is a safe place of shelter in the storms of life, and provides protection because God seals the door. Second, the rainbow is the symbol of God’s promise of hope in the storms of life. A rainbow is created by the sun shining through the rain which is a fitting picture of God’s promise of protection: “Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures (including parents and their children) of every kind on the earth” (Gen. 9:16). The Parents’ Prayer: Samson’s Parents (Jud. 13)
Samson’s parents, Manoah and his wife, also lived in a time when Israel “did evil in the eyes of the Lord” (Jud. 13:1), and “every man did that which was right in his own eyes” (Jud. 21:25 kjv). Consequently, when they were informed that they would have a “special” child who would have to be treated in a special way, they also had a good deal of fear and trepidation. However, they did the right thing; they “prayed to the Lord” (Jud. 13:8). Manoah’s prayer captures the essence of every prospective parent’s prayer as he or she considers the awesome responsibility and privilege of bearing and raising their special child: “O Lord I beg you, let the man of God you sent to us come again to teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be born” (Jud. 13:8). This prayer symbolizes the importance of each child being set apart for God at birth (the meaning of the term Nazirite). This couple had their spiritual life in order, a critical factor for any couple thinking about having a child. They each had a personal relationship with God (Jud. 13:3, 8). Their marriage was solid in spite of the agony of being sterile and childless (v. 2). They had good communication: “The woman went to her husband and told him” what had transpired (v. 6). And when they realized they were going to be pregnant, they immediately started down the right path to prepare for family life: they turned to the Lord for guidance (v. 8). The Parents’ Purpose: Samuel’s Mother (1 Sam. 1-2)
Hannah’s ordeal in coping with a closed womb, in spite of having a husband who loved her and treated her in a special way (1 Sam. 1:5), provides the third element of guidance to the prospective parents’ quandary regarding having a child - the answer to the purpose question. In this case it is the motivation of the mother (Hannah) with the full support and cooperation of the father (Elkanah) that raises the point. Hannah’s prayer in 1 Samuel 1:11 expresses the parent’s purpose in childrearing. Notice that she invokes the “Nazirite” designation in her petition: “O Lord almighty, if you will only look upon your servant’s misery and remember me and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life and no razor will ever be used on his head.” This prayer sets the context for the parents’ purpose. Its motivation is three-fold: first, to resolve the generational and heritage issue (to provide Elkanah with a son); second, to resolve Hannah’s personal anguish in being childless; and third, to emphasize the Lord’s preeminence by dedicating her firstborn to Him. The request is not made out of concern for preserving her marriage. Many couples who are struggling in their relationship often make the mistake of trying to solve their marital problems by having a child. This usually results not in resolution of marital problems but in the transformation of marital problems into family problems. Children are not meant to be the bonding agent in a marriage. In Hannah's case, her prayer results in conception and the birth of a son, Samuel. When she follows through on her pledge, by presenting him to Eli, the parents’ purpose is formulated: “Now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord” (1 Sam. 1: 25-27). The purpose of every parent is to prepare their child to worship and serve the Lord. Also, do not dismiss the role of Elkanah as Samuel’s father in this situation. He played a significant role first in supporting Hannah - “Do what seems best to you” (1 Sam. 1:23) - and then enacting the commitment by leaving Samuel behind and returning home with Hannah (1 Sam. 2:11). He also had to make a sacrifice to commit Samuel to the Lord. Conclusion
So what is a planned pregnancy from a biblical perspective? A planned pregnancy is where the prospective parents: seek the Lord’s guidance in having and raising their child (the parents’ prayer); seek and trust the Lord’s resources to preserve the child from the world and protect the child in the world (the parents’ promise); and dedicate themselves to raising the child to be God’s servant (the parents’ purpose). By James Trotzer