“Was Mary the mother of Jesus a widow when Jesus was crucified?”

May 2020 – Grace & Truth Magazine

QUESTION: What Scripture, if any, supports the commonly-held teaching that Mary, the mother of Jesus, was a widow when Jesus was crucified? Would this be why the Lord committed her to His beloved disciple John; and if so, what lesson do we learn from this?

ANSWER:First of all, let me state plainly that there is no Scripture passage that explicitly tells us anything about Joseph, Mary’s husband, after the account in Luke 2:41-51. There it is recorded that Joseph and Mary took Jesus at age 12 with them to the Passover feast in Jerusalem and sought for Him when they did not find Him in the company going back to Nazareth after the feast.

In Matthew 13:53-58 we find the Lord Jesus during His ministry in Galilee visiting His hometown Nazareth and facing rejection there. The people referred to Him as “the carpenter’s son” (NKJV). In the parallel passage in Mark 6:1-6 He is referred to as “the carpenter, the Son of Mary.” Mary and His four brothers and His sisters are mentioned as “here with us,” but there is no such mention of Joseph. (Remember, the brothers and sisters are actually His half-brothers and half-sisters, for Jesus is the Son of God while these were children of Joseph and Mary.) It is generally assumed from these passages that sometime after the mention in Luke 2 and 18 years later when Jesus began His public ministry at age 30, Joseph had died and Jesus, as the oldest son, had continued to carry on Joseph’s business as carpenter.

Earlier, in Mark 3:31-35 and Matthew 12:46-50, His brothers and mother came and were calling Him; there is no mention of His father. Why would Mary come with her sons if her husband were still alive? Would she not have come with Joseph as in Luke 2? Again in Acts 1:14, after the resurrection of Jesus, we find Mary and the brothers of Jesus mentioned in the company of the 11 remaining disciples. This, by the way, is the last mention of Mary in the Bible. I firmly believe that if Joseph had still been alive at this time he would have been there too. While Jesus was actively engaged in ministry, His brothers, we are told in John 7:5, did not believe in Him. However, after His resurrection, in Acts 1, they are presented as believers.

From this we can see why Jesus, when on the cross, would commit His mother to His beloved disciple John. Both Mary and John were there at the cross. Here and repeatedly elsewhere in his gospel John referred to himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loved” (Jn. 19:26). We see his affection for the Lord as he leaned on His bosom and breast in John 13, and as he ran to the tomb in John 20. Why should the Lord Jesus commit His dear widowed mother to His unbelieving scoffing half-brothers who were not there at the cross with His mother? No, this disciple who truly loved Jesus was there and could be entrusted with the care of His mother, whom Jesus loved with tenderest love. John proved Himself worthy of this trust: “From that hour that disciple took her to his own home” (19:27).

A lesson we learn from this is that our spiritual relationships are even deeper than our natural ties. Jesus’ “own people” – relatives, perhaps even including those brothers – “went out to lay hold of Him, for they said, ‘He is out of His mind’” (Mk. 3:21). John was a follower, a faithful follower who loved the Lord. The Lord committed a major responsibility to him, for we do not know how many more years Mary lived. All these passages show that Mary was obviously a widow, for if Joseph had still been alive he would have been responsible for the care of His wife. Also, being a godly woman as Mary was, she would not have acted independently of him but together with her sons.

Our natural ties are given to us by God. As children we are to obey our parents, and throughout our lives we are to honor father and mother, as we see in Ephesians 6, but our allegiance to the Lord should rise above these natural ties. Being Christians we are members of the body of Christ, in other words, members also one of another, Christ being our exalted Head in heaven (see 1 Cor. 12). This is a closer tie than the natural, human ties of family, tribe or nation. We cannot be Christ’s disciples unless our love for those we are related to by ties of nature is like hatred in comparison, as the words of our Lord Jesus in Luke 14:26-27 show us. Be careful, however, not to misunderstand what the Lord meant when He used the word “hate” here. He was not teaching us to hate our relatives. Rather, we are to love Him so much more. We even find Him telling us elsewhere to love our enemies and to do good to those who hate us (Mt. 5:44), but He must be first in our affections. This is the vital lesson in the Lord’s entrusting the care of His mother to His beloved disciple rather than to an unbelieving family member.

Answered by Eugene P. Vedder, Jr.