Pre-Marriage Relationships / Part One

Family – November 2013 – Grace & Truth Magazine

PRE-MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIPS

The Search For A Christian Life Partner / Part One

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.” — Psalm 119:105  NIV

Every culture has its manner to express marriage – some clear way to show that this woman and this man now belong together and that together they form a distinct and exclusive unit. It is also true that every culture has its way or “method” whereby a couple moves toward a marriage relationship. In some societies the parents have a dominating influence. In others the couple is completely free to choose for themselves.

The Correct Biblical Method
Some Bible students have searched the Scriptures in order to determine the “correct” method, process or relationship-path Christians should follow if they wish to marry. The books of the Bible were written during a 1,500 year period and in them we find a number of marriage narratives, each with its own “method.” Adam woke up and there was Eve – God brought her to him. Isaac came in from the fields and there was Rebecca – Abraham’s servant had brought her to him and on meeting they were considered married. King Saul offered one of his daughters in marriage to the man who would kill Goliath. Samson liked a girl and asked his parents to get her for him. In the New Testament we read: “Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph” (Mt. 1:18). This pledge could well be described as an exclusive, faithful and non-physical relationship leading towards marriage. In the apostolic letters we find instructions on how to behave within marriage but we find no guidelines on the process Christians should follow when seeking a marriage partner.

We conclude that when it comes to the steps leading up to marriage there is no such thing as “the correct Biblical method.” But this does not mean that the Lord is indifferent about how we go about finding a life partner. The Bible contains godly values and principles which influence and guide all our decisions, including those leading to marriage.

Involve God In Your Search
The advice of King Solomon given some 3000 years ago is well worth taking seriously as you search for a marriage partner: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight” (Prov. 3:5-6). If you are a Christian, consciously invite the Lord Jesus to be part of your mate-hunting process. If at all possible seek His guidance from the very start, well before you “fall in love.” Wherever you are right now, He has a good path for you and He still wants to guide you. Are you willing to acknowledge Him in this important area of your life?

Sometimes God may supernaturally intervene with some form of specific guidance or He may choose to “close a door” and so eliminate a particular option in one’s life. But God’s usual way to guide Christians is by making His Word alive to us. When you find in the Bible a clear command or boundary, God expects you to submit to His wise instructions. Remember that boundary rails on mountain roads are there to protect us; they limit our freedom for our own good. When it comes to guidance and decision-making, God’s clear preference is to work through principles, changing our behavior through modifying the way we think. He wants His sons and daughters to adopt His values and priorities, which are usually somewhat different than those that dominate the society where we live. “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is, His good, pleasing and perfect will” (Rom. 12:2).

Points To Consider

OWNERSHIP
Who owns you? On becoming Christians something fundamental took place: We recognized that we were lost sinners and turned to Christ for salvation. We freely and happily gave our life and our past, but also our present and our future, to the Lord Jesus. He has become our new owner and boss – and He’s a very good one! The apostle Paul explained it like this: “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price” (1 Cor. 6:19-20). It is very important that you should not forget this when you begin that search for a life partner. Two thousand years ago the Lord Jesus asked His followers, “Why do you call Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?” (Lk. 6:46). Reaffirming Christ’s ownership of our life makes our obedience more natural.

PURPOSE
What does God want with you? The Lord Jesus came to earth to give His life in order to make forgiveness and eternal salvation possible. But on conversion we are not taken to heaven, we are left on earth with a purpose. We are here on a mission. What does He want to do with us? The Bible makes it clear that we have been created to glorify God, to worship and serve Him (Mt. 4:10). The gifts we have, our family background, our health condition and the experiences we’ve lived are all used by God to fulfill His purpose in us. In pursuing His noble goal, some are called to remain single while others live a married life. After his conversion the apostle Paul described the new passion in his life, “For to me, to live is Christ” (Phil. 1:21). The driving purpose that affected every decision of Paul’s life was to please Christ: “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me” (Phil. 3:12). If you are not going anywhere, any bus will do! But if you have a destination, the choice of bus becomes very important. The choice of partner will strongly affect the direction of your life. Seek to live your calling. Ask the Lord for a partner who will form with you a useful team in the kingdom of God.

DIFFERENT
How does God see you? Christians are seen by God as a new creation, a chosen people, a holy nation and as His own. As believers, the Lord Jesus prayed for you and me saying, “My prayer is not that You take them out of the world but that You protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it” (Jn. 17:15-16). We live on earth and we participate in society but we don’t belong here. We are not normal human beings with an added bit of faith or religion. Christians have a different destiny. In God’s eyes the difference between a Christian and a non-Christian is real and radical: We are as He is, different as light is from darkness. “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light” (Eph. 5:8). The reason why God does not want us to be yoked together with a non-Christian is not because we are better people but because we are so different. “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” (2 Cor. 6:14-15). As Christians we are indwelt by the Holy Spirit, we are a holy (separated for a purpose) people. Our challenge is to see ourselves as God sees us – and live accordingly.

OBEDIENCE
Can God be trusted? The basis of our relationship with God is love. We love God because He first loved us. But love is more than a feeling. The Bible links love to obedience. The Lord Jesus explained, “As the Father has loved Me, so have I loved you. Now remain in My love. If you obey My commands, you will remain in My love, just as I have obeyed My Father’s commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so that My joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete” (Jn. 15:9-11). Christian obedience is neither a mindless subordination to church leaders nor a mechanical compliance to a set of religious rules. Christian obedience is a willing submission to a loving and wise God – to Someone who has created us for a purpose, has given His life to redeem us, has adopted us into His family and desires that we spend eternity with Him! Surely He has shown Himself to be worthy of our trust. Who else can be so good, so kind and so faithful? You have trusted the eternal destiny of your soul into God’s hands. Are you also willing to trust Him with your life on earth? Will you also trust Him with the choice of marriage partner or even the decision of whether to marry at all?

By Philip Nunn

Look for the continuation of this Family article in next month’s issue!