Relationships With Unbelievers

Feature 2 – October 2019 – Grace & Truth Magazine

Relationships With Unbelievers

One of the great challenges we believers face is understanding what kind of relationship we are to have with unbelievers, whether that is in our family, work or neighborhood relationships. How do we believers balance not being unequally yoked together with unbelievers (2 Cor. 6:14-18) and at the same time let our light shine before men (Mt. 5:16)?

Attitude
It is important that we have the right attitude toward unbelievers. Remember, the Lord often had to point out to those around Him that He had come to save those who were lost (Lk. 19:10). He did not come into the world to “condemn the world; but that the world through Him might be saved” (Jn. 3:17 KJV). The disciples had a wrong attitude when, in Luke 9:54, they asked the Lord, “Wilt Thou that we command fire to come down from heaven, and consume them ...?” Likewise, we can have a judgmental attitude toward those who are unsaved.

The apostle Paul reminded us, “What have I to do to judge them also that are without? ... Them that are without God judgeth” (1 Cor. 5:12-13). It is not our place to judge unbelievers or expect them to act like believers. We should show a loving attitude to those who are lost, remembering that unsaved people can be won by our behavior (1 Pet. 3:1-2).

Relationship With Family
The very first family in the Bible had a mix of believers and unbelievers (Gen. 4:1-5). In the story of Cain and Abel we learn that having two believing parents does not guarantee that all the children will follow the Lord. Looking at the passage we see Abel:

• Obeyed the LORD and served Him in spite of what his brother did.
• Did not follow his brother’s example nor did he do a wrong thing simply to keep his brother happy.
• Undertook what he knew the Lord wanted, regardless of the difficulties it caused with his brother.

This cost Abel tremendously, but his witness lives even today.

The relationship between Jacob and Esau is another example to us of challenges within the family. Although Jacob certainly failed many times in his life (Gen. 27–33), he did follow God. Esau, his older brother, did not, and in fact he intentionally went in a different direction. He chose to go against God (Gen. 28:8-9), becoming the father of the Edomites. They were a people who mistreated Jacob’s descendants, the Israelites (see Obad. 1).

How did Jacob treat his brother? After they both had children and were reunited, their initial conflict was resolved, but we find that Jacob did not mix his family with Esau’s. Instead, he journeyed on to live in Succoth (Gen. 33:16-17). The lesson is that even though they were related physically, Jacob could not have full fellowship with Esau. They were not related spiritually.

We often find ourselves in circumstances we cannot control. A Christian child or teen living in a family of unbelievers, or a believing husband or wife married to an unsaved spouse, are not situations from which a believer can simply leave. Instead, we find that having the right attitude and behavior can lead to the salvation of the unbelievers in the home (1 Cor. 7:13-16; 1 Pet. 3:1-2). The Lord knows our hearts, hears our prayers and desires to save our family members.

Even the Lord had family members that did not initially follow or believe in Him (Jn. 7:5). In fact, at times they tried to come and take Him by force, not honoring Him at all (Mk. 3:31, 6:4). While the Lord still took care of his physical family (Jn. 19:27), His example to us indicates that our spiritual family is the most critical (Mt. 12:48-50). The Lord was always respectful to His earthly family, and eventually we find that His brother James became a true follower of Him (Gal. 1:19). Let us follow the Lord’s wonderful example as to how to treat and care for our family. He loved them, was respectful to them, took care of them and was honest with them; and they become followers of Him. This should fill us with confidence.

Relationships At Work
We can read the story of Mordecai in the book of Esther. He was Esther’s cousin and had brought her up as his own daughter (Est. 2:5-7). Esther later became queen. Mordecai found himself in the gate of King Ahasuerus, a king who did not believe in God. Not there by choice, Mordecai had been taken captive and was forced to move to King Ahasuerus’ kingdom (v.6). Even in this situation, he was faithful to the Lord in his work and reported that some men were plotting to kill the king (vv.21-23). Initially he received no credit for what he did.

The faithful Mordecai found himself in a situation where he was the only one who would not bow to an important prince named Haman (3:1-5), who was an enemy of God. He was an Amalekite through Agag (3:1; 1 Sam. 15:8), a people who were descendents of a grandson of Esau (Gen. 36:12). They were opposed to God and fought against His people (Ex. 17:8). How could Mordecai bow down to someone so hostile to God? Mordecai was willing to work hard and follow instructions, but he would not reverence someone who opposed God. Ultimately Mordecai’s integrity paid off and God raised him to a high place with the king, even though he had to go through difficult times.

Daniel is another wonderful example of having the right relationship with unbelievers at work. As a young man Daniel was taken captive and was moved to Babylon (Dan. 1:3-6). He, too, was among unbelievers in a country that was opposed to God. So, how did he mange those relationships?

In Daniel 1 he was willing to speak to the prince of the eunuchs and tell him that he did not want to eat their food. It was not simply that he did not like it but that it was against God’s law. He had decided before this situation came up that he was going to do the right thing. This is an important principle. We need to have our convictions set, so when tests arrive we are already prepared.

Daniel did not preach to the eunuch; he simply asked to not eat the food. The LORD rewarded Daniel’s faithfulness by giving him favor with the eunuch. We learn from Daniel to be faithful to convictions the Lord has given us, to be humble, and to use wisdom in our conversations. Daniel was found to be ten times better than the others, but we do not find that Daniel exalted himself. He did his work faithfully. Daniel was willing to speak up and say something to the one who had authority over him. Are we willing to speak up and say we cannot do something because it goes against God’s Word?

Daniel was known in his work environment as a person who had an excellent spirit. The people around described him as someone who had light, wisdom and understanding (5:11-12). The world takes notice of each of us at work, and our actions speak loudly!

In Daniel 6 we have the well-known story of Daniel in the den of lions. Daniel was in a high position at work, but his unbelieving co-workers were jealous of him. They tried to find something wrong with his work, but they could not (vv.4-5). They figured the only way they would be able to find something wrong with him was if it was connected to his faithfulness to God. Therefore they came up with a plan to have King Darius sign a law that no one could pray to anyone except the king; all who prayed otherwise would be thrown into the den of lions. When Daniel realized what had happened he did not panic, change his convictions or his behavior. Daniel did what he always did: he went to his house and prayed through the open windows to God (vv.10-11). His commitment to the LORD was more valuable to him than any fear of man. In this example we do not find Daniel talking to anyone about his situation. He did not try to be saved by the king; he did not try to fight back. Daniel did not even explain why it was important for him to pray. He simply prayed and did what was right.

In chapter 1 Daniel’s witness was his words; this time his witness was his actions. His actions spoke loudly. In fact, they spoke so loudly that the king threw the accusers and their families into the den of lions as soon as he took Daniel out. But the story does not end there. The king then made a public statement saying that Daniel’s God was the living God and that He was the deliverer and the rescuer (Dan. 6:25-28). What a wonderful declaration! This statement was beyond anything Daniel could have done. Daniel’s faithfulness in praying and having a public testimony resulted in the king’s acknowledging the Lord and witnessing to his country about God.

Being faithful in our work and at the same time upholding God’s principles will result in blessing, although there may be many challenges and trials along the way. We may even feel like we are in a den of lions! As with Daniel, the Lord can deliver us too.

Relationships With Neighbors
The Lord gave us an example of who and what a neighbor is in Luke 10:25-37. This story is often referred to as the “Good Samaritan.” In this account Jesus showed that being a neighbor involves coming to those who are hurt and caring for them with a desire that they be healed. We should come to those who are lost and care for them with the goal of their salvation, for we know God’s desire for our neighbors is that they be saved (1 Tim. 2:3-4).

Our neighbors know us very well. They see how we talk, how we spend our time, and whether or not we go to meet with other believers on a regular basis. Often, it is by our actions that we can really help or hinder them.

Lot is an example of a man who failed his neighbors. Like Mordecai and Daniel, Lot sat in the gate of his city and was a responsible person in the community (Est. 3:2; Dan. 2:49; Gen. 19:1). However, there was a big difference between Lot and the other two. Daniel and Mordecai were taken as captives to their new countries and then served the LORD faithfully where He placed them. Lot chose to go and live in a wicked city because he wanted what the area had to offer. He is a picture for us of a believer who loves the things of the world and wants to enjoy them, but still wants to belong to God.

In 2 Peter 2:6-8 we learn that Lot was righteous and was vexed, meaning “troubled” or “distressed,” about the filthy conversation around him. However, when we read the awful story in Genesis 19 about two angels coming to deliver Lot from Sodom and Gomorrah, we would not recognize him as a righteous person. His life on the outside did not match his life on the inside. When the men of the city wanted to do evil, Lot also suggested evil and was a partaker of evil deeds (vv.6-8; consider 2 Jn. 11). When Lot tried to tell his sons-in-law that they needed to leave the city because it would be destroyed, they laughed at him in unbelief; even his wife looked back and was turned into salt. Lot and his two daughters were the only ones who escaped, but even his daughters did not give any sign that they believed in God. There is no indication that Lot helped his neighbors of Sodom and Gomorrah at all. In fact, the way he lived his life seems to have hurt them. They did not take him seriously. Do we have a positive spiritual impact on our neighbors? Have the people around us been touched by our lives? Lot may have been a good worldly neighbor, but not a neighbor like Daniel or Mordecai who gave faithful testimonies and were used to help deliver those around them.

As believers we are admonished to keep ourselves “unspotted from the world” (Jas. 1:27). We should not have one spot. As with Daniel, the world should be unable to find one thing about which they can accuse us, other than in our relationship with the Lord. We are supposed to be a light that the world can see (Mt. 5:14).

Dorcas (Acts 9:36-43) is a good example of someone who was a light to her neighbors. They knew about her and had experienced her love through what she did for them. Her life and service resulted in many believing on the Lord (v.42).

Conclusion
We should have a relationship with those around us which demonstrates that we belong to the Lord. Our conversation should be good (Eph. 4:29). We should bless those who persecute us (Rom. 12:14) and seek to have peace with those around us (v.18). We need to show love to those we meet (Jn. 13:34). In Colossians 4:5-6 we learn we need the wisdom of the Lord to know how to interact with unbelievers and take advantage of opportunities that He gives us. We do not know how many opportunities we will have with them. Also, our speech should be gracious, not calling down fire from heaven (Lk. 9:54)! As we were reminded in the beginning, we are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. We should not put ourselves in a yoke – like Lot – where we find ourselves living and doing things that will trouble our souls.

While we interact with our unbelieving family, coworkers or neighbors, we should pray, asking the Lord to help us to “be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh ... a reason of the hope that is in” us (1 Pet. 3:15). Pray that our words and our actions may be a light to them and that they too will come to know the Lord Jesus as their own Savior. Through this, there will be joy in heaven (Lk. 15:7).

By David Pickering