“How can I as a teen talk to my parents about things in their lives that are wrong?”

October 2020 – Grace & Truth Magazine

QUESTION: How can I as a teen talk to my parents about the things in their lives that are wrong?

ANSWER: This question is difficult but important. Ordinarily, one would expect godly parents to ask how to talk to their teens who were doing things that were wrong. But we live in a world that is upside down in many respects from what God would have it to be, and this question shows one sad aspect of it.

First of all, have you, young man or young lady asking this question, been saved? Are you seeking by God’s grace to live for the Lord according to the teaching given in God’s Word? If so, we can go on. If not, there’s no point continuing, for you yourself need to accept Jesus as your Savior and Lord of your life. One unsaved person can hardly successfully help another unsaved person deal with things in their life that are wrong. Also, adults, and especially parents, usually find it difficult to accept children teaching them or telling them what is wrong in their lives. The normal order God has established in life is that parents should teach their children right and wrong.

Now, assuming you are saved and seeking to live for the Lord personally, let’s go on. Do you love your parents? Do you appreciate all they have done for you in bringing you into the world and bringing you up from the time you were a helpless baby until now when you are a teen? Do you ever tell your parents that you love them? Do you show them that you love them by your actions? Can they see a change in your life for good since you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior? Are you obeying them promptly, cheerfully and helpfully – without grumbling or showing resentment? I know you are not perfect (I’m not perfect either – none of us are!), but it gives weight to what you want to tell them if things are pretty much what they ought to be in your life. There is an old saying that goes something like this: What you are speaks so loudly that the world can’t hear what you’re saying!

Have you asked the Lord to help you talk to your parents about these things in their lives that are wrong? This is important. Ask Him to guide you to do this at the right time and in the right way. His Word, in Ephesians 6:1-3 and other passages, tells you to obey your parents and to honor your father and mother. When you speak to them about a subject as important as this, you want to do it in a quiet, respectful, loving manner – not in a bitter, accusatory, shouting kind of way. If they attend church, speak to them on the basis of what God says in His Word, not on the basis of what you think they ought to be doing or to change in their lives. Tell them that you love them, that you are praying for them, that you want God to bless them, and that you want to be proud of them. Don’t compare them with other parents or use other parents to tell them what they should be like. Use God’s Word to show them God’s standards and tell them how happy you would be if they lived that way.

Do not let yourself be drawn into an argument or a battle. If your parents get belligerent or tell you to shut up, be quiet and ask the Lord to give you another better opportunity. You will likely need many opportunities, for Satan does not give up easily; and you doubtless know from your own experience that it is easier and more natural to do what is wrong than what is right. Romans 7 bears this out.

Keep praying. Use God’s Word; appeal to it; don’t be ashamed of it in any way. Silently ask the Lord to guide and help you in what you say even while you are speaking to your parents. Count on the Lord’s help. Remember, He is even more interested in your parents’ good than you are. He gave His life for them and would like to save them and see them living a clean, godly life to His glory and their own usefulness and happiness – and your happiness as well!

The Lord is on your side just as you’re on His side in a matter like this. Trust Him. Depend on Him. Don’t attempt to accomplish everything the first time you try. Be persistent, but don’t “bug” your parents. Do not give the impression that you are their self-righteous critic. Show you love your parents by respecting them even though you hate some of the things they are doing. May God help you and give you wisdom in what you say. Sometimes a sentence may be sufficient; at other times there may be opportunity for more of a discussion. Remember that you are the child pleading with your parent, not their superior trying to condemn them and tell them how to run their lives.

It would be helpful if you can get your Christian friends and/or siblings to pray for you in this difficult matter. Perhaps you can pray together about what you would like to do to help your parents. Be persistent in prayer. The first parable in Luke 18 shows how important it is to keep on praying until the Lord answers your prayer. May the Lord help you and use you as His messenger to help your parents!

Answered by Eugene P. Vedder, Jr.