“When my wife and I disagree, we usually say things we later regret. Should we ignore disagreements, or is there a way to resolve them?”

QUESTION: When my wife and I disagree, we usually get emotional and say things we later regret, resulting in hurt feelings. Should we just ignore them or is there a good way to resolve them?

ANSWER: This is not an uncommon problem. Many couples are guilty of the same thing. When two people, even people who love each other, are so involved in each other's lives, it is quite easy to become irritated when there is a disagreement. In most cases, the irritation is the result of pride. You have your opinion, your wife has hers, and you both want to get your point across. You are thinking together, but not thinking alike. In a way, that's good, because as you share your thoughts you can come to a more balanced conclusion. It's when you feel hurt or offended that the trouble begins. Watch your attitude and ask God to help you maintain a humble spirit.

But what should you do when there are hurt feelings? Instead of turning on your spouse as the offender, take personal responsibility. One may be more at fault than the other, but it takes two to have a conflict. James 5:16 says, "Confess you faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed." It's always easier to confess your spouse's faults than yours, but that's not your responsibility or privilege. Admit where you have been wrong and seek forgiveness. If you are the offended one, you must be willing to forgive. Then pray together, asking God to forgive both of you, and let Him do the healing. This may sound simplistic, but it is God's solution. And it works!

Answered by Jack Palmer