“How will the Lord help me find a wife?”

February 2009 – Grace & Truth Magazine

QUESTION: How will the Lord help me to find a wife?

ANSWER: One star differs from another star in glory (1 Cor. 15:41), and no two snowflakes have been found yet that are exactly alike. Our infinitely wise and gracious Lord is not limited to only one way of bringing you the wife He chooses for you. Trust Him! He does all things well. Rest assured, the God who “built” (the literal word for “made” in Gen. 2:22) a wife for Adam out of the rib He took from his side can give you exactly the wife you need. The very question you ask shows that God hasn’t designed you for the single life.

In Genesis 2, God made one wife for Adam and personally brought her to him. While He has never been known to repeat the method He used then, there are principles given by which He is pleased to work. We do well to pay attention to these principles.

First, we’ve already noted that God did not assign Adam the difficult task of choosing his wife from a lineup of women with different qualities – such as beauty, spirituality, kindness, modesty, intelligence, discretion, cooking ability, love for children – to commend them. Even today this proverb applies: “Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord” (Prov. 19:14 NKJV). He invites us to let our requests be made known to Him (Phil. 4:6). We should look to Him for His choice rather than taking the burden of choosing upon ourselves. Furthermore, He tells us, “Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart” (Ps. 37:4). Don’t worry about getting a wife. Delight yourself in Him!

Second, we can learn something valuable from Abraham’s servant who was sent to find a wife for his master’s son, Isaac. He went to the right place, “a well of water,” and went there at the right time, “the time when women go out to draw water” (Gen. 24:11). A little later he could worship the Lord, saying, “As for me, being on the way, the LORD led me” (24:27). Go where Christians congregate in search of the water of life. The Lord is far more likely to lead you to the wife of His choice for you if you attend Bible studies and other Christian activities than if you go to dance halls or bars. How good if she and you are both enjoying the living water and the bread of life! This will make for a far happier and more stable marriage than if you are merely looking for fun, or what the world calls “a good time.”

Third, be open to the counsel of mature, godly believers. It is really not right that in western society today we Christians expect persons without experience to make the second-biggest decision of their lives, (salvation, of course, being the biggest). In scriptural times parents arranged their children’s marriages. Samson’s parents protested when he wanted to marry a Philistine girl, and when he married her against his parents’ counsel, the marriage proved disastrous (Jud. 14:1-15:8).

Fourth, prayerfully weigh all counsel given and any feelings you may have in the light of the principles of God’s Word. It forbids the believer to marry an unbeliever, and clearly states that our marriages should be “in the Lord” (2 Cor. 6:14-16; 1 Cor. 7:39). It takes a strong stand against divorce (Mal. 2:16; Mt. 19:3-9). God’s Word should always be our final authority. The Holy Spirit will never lead in a way contrary to His inspired Word.

Fifth, keep yourself pure (1 Tim. 5:22). Treat younger women as sisters, with all purity (5:2). Be an example of the believers in purity (4:12). God’s Word calls sex outside of marriage “sexual immorality” or “fornication” and forbids it, even commanding us to “flee” from it (Acts 15:29; 1 Cor. 6:18). This is not easy in a world that panders to lust and treats impurity as normal and desirable.

May the Lord help you in all these areas!

Answer by Eugene P. Vedder, Jr.