Philemon: The Power Of Positive Speaking

PHILEMON
The Power Of Positive Speaking

Positive speaking is biblical and is a powerful form of friendly persuasion. When used in the right way, it can really motivate a person to do the right thing.

Question: Is friendly persuasion biblical? Answer: It depends on what kind. Blackmail, white lies, insincere flattery and any other kind of unethical arm twisting and manipulation are certainly not biblical. On the other hand, positive speaking, if not used for selfish reasons, is biblical friendly persuasion.

What does “positive speaking” mean? It is saying nice things to people about themselves. It does not point out a person’s shortcomings. Positive speaking searches out a person’s positive qualities for the express purpose of encouraging that person. It remembers positive things about a person and then brings them out at appropriate times. Positive speaking does not make up nice things that are not true, but it works hard at emphasizing all that is truly positive about a person, even though it may be minimal or taken for granted. Positive speaking is biblical and it is a powerful form of friendly persuasion, because when used in the right way, it can really motivate a person to do the right thing.

The apostle Paul’s brief letter to a Christian named Philemon is an outstanding example of positive speaking used as friendly persuasion. Throughout his letter, Paul used it to stimulate Philemon to take the right course of action regarding a Christian slave named Onesimus. Although the Apostle could “order” Philemon to show mercy to Onesimus (v. 8), he appealed to him instead with positive speaking. It was not done for selfish reasons and it is therefore a biblical model of friendly persuasion that we can follow when we need to motivate people to take the right course of action.

Background of the Letter
Before we analyze the positive speaking in this one-chapter Bible book, let’s review the background of and occasion for this letter to Philemon, a well-to-do Christian who lived in the small town of Colosse. In fact, the Colossian church met in Philemon’s home (v. 2). Onesimus was a slave who belonged to Philemon.

Like many other slaves at that time, Onesimus had taken advantage of an opportunity to run away – and may have stolen money or goods in the process (v. 18). We can imagine how uptight Philemon must have been. He could only hope for the capture and return of this thief. In the Roman Empire of that day a runaway slave could be put to death. The idea of completely forgiving a thieving runaway slave would have been out of the question, even to a Christian master.

Onesimus traveled to Rome, where he could easily get lost in the crowd. He had no idea he’d be found there by God! We don’t know the details, but it just so happened that his path crossed Paul’s. Coincidence? No way! Even if Paul had known Onesimus from former contacts with Philemon, this was part of God’s sovereign plan, “who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will” (Eph. 1:11 niv). We can be sure that nothing happens by coincidence in our lives either. God is in control of all the details, even though, from our perspective, it may look like things happen by chance.

It wasn’t long before Paul, who was under house arrest, led Onesimus to salvation in Christ. (Acts 28:30-31). And it wasn’t long before Onesimus realized that as a new Christian he had to return to Philemon and make things right. This should be the pattern in our lives as well. Becoming a Christian leads to being a Christian. Picking up the pieces from our past mistakes is an obligation we all have as Christians. Obviously, there may be some bad fallout or “burned bridges” that cannot be reclaimed or repaired, but we should do our best to restore what we have messed up. We should pay our debts. We should apologize to people we have maligned. We should help those we have hurt. Certainly we don’t need to carry this policy to ridiculous extremes, such as apologizing to everyone who ever crossed our minds in a negative way. But let’s not go to the other extreme and think that when we become Christians all former mistakes are erased and we can forget the past completely. It is true that God completely forgives us of all our sin and we do have a new life in Christ. However, we are not completely free from the effects of our past sins. We have an obligation to straighten out the problems we have caused, if possible. In fact, as forgiven sinners with new life in Christ we are more responsible than ever to go back and make things right to the best of our abilities. The good news is that now, with Christ and by the power of the Holy Spirit, we not only have the will to do so, but the strength as well.

Onesimus had the moral support of a Christian named Tychicus as he returned to Colosse to deal with his past mistakes. Tychicus was traveling with Onesimus for the express purpose of delivering the Ephesian and Colossian letters to those churches. (Col. 4:7-9; Eph. 6:21-22). Tychicus, a more mature believer, was able to encourage Onesimus along the way. Certainly our Lord will do as much for us as He did for Onesimus. God will always make the moral support of believers available to us when we go back and try to make right whatever we did wrong. As Onesimus traveled with Tychicus to Colosse, he too was carrying a special letter. His was addressed to Philemon, written by Paul, and filled with positive speaking. His letter became the book now known as Philemon.

Three Aspects of Positive Speaking
As we read this letter we see that Paul’s positive speaking to Philemon can be categorized under three subheadings. First there is the positive speaking in reference to their relationship. In verse 1, Paul referred to Philemon as his beloved brother. Philemon was not only a brother in Christ, he was a “dear friend.” In verse 7, Paul wrote that Philemon had brought him “great joy and encouragement.” Philemon was the kind of Christian you’d like to be around. Sometimes the Christians around us are anything but joy and encouragement, and sometimes we wish that they’d just leave us alone! They take us for granted, monopolize our time, are unthankful and insensitive. If only there were more Philemons! The point here is that Paul was not telling other Christians that Philemon had brought him joy and encouragement as a brother, he was telling Philemon himself. Paul knew that this positive speaking about their relationship would go a long way toward moving Philemon to do what was proper in reference to Onesimus – especially when Paul referred to Onesimus as “my very heart” (v. 12).

In further references to their relationship, Paul described Philemon as a “fellow worker” and “partner” (vv. 1,17). Although Philemon was not with Paul in Rome and not part of his immediate missionary team, Paul linked Philemon with himself as a fellow worker and partner. Most likely the Colossian church was established during Paul’s third missionary journey, and it was at this time that he worked closely with Philemon. (Acts 19:9-10). However, when Paul referred to Philemon as his fellow worker and partner he not only had their past relationship in mind but their present one as well. After all, the Colossian church was meeting in Philemon’s home, so Paul and Philemon were fellow workers and partners in their concern and prayers for the spiritual growth of that church. As Paul wrote to Philemon about this important relationship, he once again used positive speaking. This biblical friendly persuasion will motivate a person in the 1st or 21st century! When he realized Paul considered him a fellow-worker and partner, it would have been hard not to follow Paul’s request: “Welcome him as you would welcome me” (v. 17).

Another category of positive speaking that Paul used was in reference to Philemon’s reputation. In verses 5-6, Paul commended Philemon for his “faith” and “love” which were focused in the Lord and evidenced in Philemon’s care and concern for the saints. Paul was able to say that the hearts of the saints had been refreshed through Philemon (v. 7). Could the same be said of us? If our faith and love is focused in Christ vertically, it should be seen horizontally in our faith and love toward His people. What kind of reputation do we have with fellow believers?

Because the idea of faith towards the saints sounds strange, some Christians have interpreted verse 5 as meaning our faith is toward Christ and our love is toward the saints (Col. 1:4.). But in the context of positive speaking with Philemon, Paul meant that both his love and faith were directed towards the Lord and the saints. But how does a Christian direct faith toward believers? We do so when we put our confidence in them. Other Christians are encouraged to grow and use their spiritual gifts when we show faith in them. Philemon had a reputation for this and Paul reminded him of it. This positive speaking would induce Philemon to show the same kind of faith towards the new believer, Onesimus. In fact, it seems that Paul hinted at this very point (v. 6). If Philemon was mature in his understanding of his spiritual blessings, then the active sharing of his faith with fellow believers would be demonstrated by accepting saints like Onesimus. After all, since his conversion Onesimus had proved himself faithful, and the apostle Paul himself was vouching for him.

Placing a reasonable faith in a fellow believer is a challenge for us, just as it was for Philemon. When we direct our faith towards fellow Christians there may be times when we get burned. But let’s not use this as a reason to put a wet blanket on the spiritual growth of other believers by failing to place a reasonable faith in them.

While verse 6 refers to Philemon’s reputation of faith towards the saints, verse 7 has to do with his reputation of love toward them. We don’t know what deeds of kindness Philemon performed for fellow believers, but they must have been many and well known. Most likely Epaphras, who had come from Colosse to Rome, had informed Paul of Philemon’s refreshing acts of love (v. 23; Col. 1:7-8). Furthermore, Onesimus himself had probably backed up what Epaphras reported about the character and deeds of Philemon. Certainly if his master’s reputation was tarnished, Onesimus would have been quick to point it out to Paul. If we had been in Philemon’s position, what would a runaway slave report about our reputation? In fact, it may have been Philemon’s outstanding reputation for deeds of kindness that laid the foundation for Onesimus’ conversion in Rome. What a model to follow! How many people will be saved because our reputation laid the foundation for their conversion?

When Paul reminded Philemon of his excellent record of love for the saints he was using effective positive speaking. This friendly persuasion about his reputation would surely inspire Philemon to show the same love to a new saint named Onesimus. Have you ever tried motivating people to do the right thing by reminding them of their past kind deeds? It works!

A third category of positive speaking concerns Philemon’s righteousness. The righteousness here, of course, is not Philemon’s position in Christ, but rather his righteous living as a Christian. Paul was confident that Philemon would do the right thing to Onesimus (vv. 8, 21). In fact, he was persuaded that Philemon would spontaneously do more for Onesimus than Paul had even suggested (vv. 14, 21). There is no direct mention of releasing Onesimus from slavery, but it doesn’t take too much reading between the lines to assume that Paul was hoping Philemon would give Onesimus his freedom. In fact, it would seem from verses 11-14 that Paul was not opposed to having Philemon send Onesimus back to Rome to help Paul there. In any case, Paul’s positive speaking to Philemon about his righteousness would undoubtedly have prompted Philemon to welcome Onesimus back – “no longer as a slave, but better than a slave” (v. 16). We too can be sure that when we encourage fellow believers by mentioning our appreciation of their righteous lifestyle, it is hard for them not to do the right thing. Such positive speaking is biblical friendly persuasion.

A Biblical Model
Paul’s appeal was also on the basis of his age, imprisonment and even the fact that he hoped to pay Philemon a visit when he was released (vv. 9, 22). However, Paul’s main basis of appeal in the letter was positive speaking. The letter to Philemon is a biblical model of friendly persuasion. Do you know a fellow believer in your church or fellowship group who needs to be motivated or encouraged to do what’s right? Try positive speaking.

By David Reid